500 days of summer

This friend told me this movie in August and it was only last night that I got to see the movie. Interesting I say, so here are some of my thoughts...


We usually make this fantasy in our minds that this certain person is "the one". We grab that person in our life who is closest to our make believe destiny.

We just see what we want to see and hear what we want to hear. That is when expectations becomes the source of all f¥€£ ups.

If I have a chance, I will tell Tom what somebody told me... "don't hurt yourself". A lot of us think too much or expect too much. Oftentimes, that scene in the movie " expectation vs. reality" is true. What we have created in our minds (be it an expectation or assumption) is way different or (not just necessarily) opposite of the reality. And these scenarios cause us unnecessary hurting... hurt that we inflict on ourselves and not by anybody.

I'm sure, all of us have been like Tom one way or the other.

But I like Summer! (literally the sun, sand & the sea during summer :) & figuratively speaking). I like to be Summer! Just enjoying the moment! no expectations... no pressure... But eventually, finding the one! I hope I can be just like Summer!

It's not that we shouldn't believe in fate or destiny. It's just taking it easy... being realistic than idealistic...

So which one are you? winter, spring, summer or fall? hehe

Anyway, I still wish for us to find (if you have not found yet) y/our own autumn! :)

10yM ticket

it took me 2 years & 3 persons to get this 10yM ticket.
i met this man in april of 2007, on a bus on my way back to manila after the burial of the father of my best friend. he was a filipino in his 50's and was a hollywood cameraman. we exchanged contact details and a year later he contacted me for a project in california. he was pushing me to get a visa but project didnt materialized & i never desired the US.

3 months later, he contacted me again. still pushing me to get a visa & to do the project. but it didnt materialize again.

then this year, my tita went home from the US. contacted me to do a project in her home in cali and pushed me to get a visa. she wants me to have it asap so she can go back to the US with me.

had 2 appointments made in may & june but had to cancel for several reasons. it just did not materialize.

then in july i met another person and from july to this month, i've been lured to see what is out there for me. so i finally set myself to go for it last oct 9, my mom's bday! hoping to get goodluck. & her blessing.

preparations... documents... the ordeal! after 2 hrs at the embassy, around 10 questions from the young american consul, it finally materialized! i think its the short skirt that did it!

and now after 2 yrs & 3 persons and now that 10yM pass, i think im losing the reason i thought why i should go there.

i'm in limbo. it's the unknown.

maybe its really not the reason but just the motivation i need to go for it!

i don't know what is in store for me there. but i think i'll try to get and just enjoy a white christmas

3 years life cycle

he took everyone away so i'll know what matters.
he sent me my reflection like in a mirror so i'll see how i am, then i can change.
he sent me someone to see how i will be but maybe i still am not ready.

i guess my soul sister & i are separating ways. she got her life back.
she needs to start rebuilding her family & make up for lost time.

i on the otherhand feels i am done here! he is sending me alone to a new place.

new journey... new companions...

when you think of the unknown, it is scary. but as always, in my 3 yrs life cycle, i feel at peace. it's another leap of faith i'm taking.

i'm excited! because it keeps getting better & better. it is not an ideal nor perfect path i'm going through everytime. but at the end of the 3 yrs cycle, i'm in a better state than 3 years ago.

yes, it has been 3 years. i'm due for another major change. it's time for another 3 years life cycle...

deadend or crossroad

where to go?
what to do?
when & how to?
now, i really don't know.

why am i lost?
why am i confused?
why am i unsure?
would i ever know?

it's like a deadend
cause there's nowhere to go to.
it's like a crossroad
cause you don't know which way to go.

is this a deadend or a crossroad?

eitherway, i am lost! give me direction.